to my beloved classmates

i have yet to have written on this blog. 

i have my own blog that i update fairly regularly, so writing here too seems redundant. 

but for whatever reason, it's 2 am, i'm still awake (thank you, night shift), and i feel like writing to you all. 

the collective life changes in the life of our little group in the past few months is unreal. 

marriages (congrats jacy and clara!), cross-country moves,  new jobs, new cars (not yet for me though :) and so many other things. 

my life hasn't changed as much as many of yours. 

and for that, I'm grateful. 

i don't know about for you all, but being a "real nurse" has had enough challenges for me. 

adjusting to the pressures of working in a hospital, the reality shock of interacting with non-Christian coworkers, and the stress of feeling responsible for patient's well-being is huge. 

the past month or so i've finally started to feel like i've hit a little bit of a rhythm. 

as much as you can when your schedule's so irregular. 

but what i want to say to myself and to you all, the reason i wrote this, is to remind us WHAT A BLESSING we've been given!

what a blessing it is to be in the position we are in. 

what a blessing that people trust us with intimate and private details of their life.

what a blessing that we have the power to impact people's lives for the worse or for the better.

what a blessing that we have the Spirit of God in us and are able to speak words of LIFE in a place filled with suffering, despair and death. 

i've been challenged recently to do just that: speak words of life. 

speak words of life when i speak with my unsaved coworkers.

speak words of life to my patients and their families who are hurting, scared or even hostile. 

i pray that God uses each of us in mighty ways wherever He has placed us, and that by our love in word and deed those we encounter would be pointed to our Savior. 

i love and miss you all!

by his grace and for his glory,
betsy

When in doubt...God really does care.

These last 6 months, I've been employed as a charge nurse at Los Angeles Christian Health Centers.  I don't think anyone would deny that that was a big step to take for a new nurse--especially a new grad.  I was blown away at the opportunity, but knew that God would have to carry me through, because it is a big job with a lot of responsibilities.  I admit that I was excited at first, but it seemed that my responsibilities grew to levels that stretched my capabilities in a way that have never been stretched before.

Though it has been very difficult, I have an undeniable sense that God brought me to my clinic for a purpose.  However, it has been in these last couple of months--especially these last few weeks-- that I've really felt the increasing burden of my work. I felt that I wore many hats. I was the security guard (pffft. yeah, right?), triage nurse, clinic manager. I would work in the dispensary (kind of like a pharmacy) from time to time (and when I did work in the dispensary, I was still being the triage nurse, and the clinic manager). I scheduled staff, hired and trained new medical assistants.  Not to mention that I was also supposed to oversee six other satellite clinics, dispersed throughout Los Angeles. Needless to say work did not stay at work.  I was called/texted by employees late in the evening or early in the morningand long after I left work and sometimes on the weekends.  There were many days when I would have to take work home--whether to update outdated MA handbooks, or just paperwork left over from the day. Working 10 hour shifts 5 days a week was not uncommon.  I felt drained of the energy that I used to have--I could see that my zest for life was not the way that it used to be. I started to question why I was a nurse and was day dreaming about other not-so draining jobs (being an artist, a full-time stay at home bum, etc). I was struggling to find joy and contentment. In fact, my heart felt dissatisfied and discontent.  I would ask God if it was supposed to be this hard, that maybe I just needed an attitude adjustment because I want to be obedient. I know I'm not always the best at being obedient, but ultimately, it is what I want.

I stayed home from work on Monday because I didn't feel well, but also because I felt like I didn't have it in me to go to work. I spent a lot of that time praying honestly. I told God that it really seemed like it was too much. I didn't think I was ready to deal with the responsibilities of a manager. I wasn't necessarily asking for a solution, but was looking for direction, or a change of heart. And possibly, super human strength.

Tuesday morning started off like every morning--lots of praying for strength to make it through the day.  We were short-staffed that day due to people calling in sick and then I sent an employee home because he was feeling ill, then found out he was quitting at the end of the week--I am already short-staffed in general, so that was sad/stressing news. Throughout the day, I was juggling phone calls from the other sites that I managed, trying to figure out supplies needed, trying to help the providers with patient care and training two Medical Assistant externs who were new and needed a lot of teaching.  Thankfully, the patients themselves were calm and no one wanted to yell/speak to the supervisor and no one was rowdy/trying to pick fights in the waiting room.   At the end of the day, my boss called me and asked to speak to me in her office.

I didn't know what to expect really--well, ok, I kind of wondered if she was going to talk to me about how much work I've been missing in the last few months.  I was nervous by the time I got to her office.  She mentioned that I have been sick/out a lot, but she asked me a question that I didn't expect her to ask. In a caring tone, my boss asked me if I wanted to be there, to keep working at the clinic. I was surprised--I didn't know how she knew to ask the right question, but she did. I began to tearfully explain to her how drained I have been feeling, how I don't feel like myself, that I feel stretched beyond what I can handle, that some days I don't come in to work because I don't feel like I can handle it.  She didn't scold me or treated me like I failed--like I feared she would-- instead she responded with such grace and hugged me for a very long time.  She prayed and said to me "God has you, Linell. You are blessed. If this is too much for you, we can change it. This isn't a matter of failure. You are a new nurse--it wasn't fair to put all of this on you."  And in a matter of minutes, she called the HR director in, they began discussing my new role as just a clinic nurse, taking all supervisory responsibilities off my shoulders.

I was completely caught off guard. I did not expect that to happen. I really felt that God cared. And I was beside myself, overwhelmed. He saw/sees me and wants to show me that He loves me.  And he is doing that through my boss, who for some reason, has really taken me under her wing and is an advocate for me. I know that it's nothing that I've done necessarily. It's God's grace played out in a very real and tangible way.

I wanted to share with all of you. I am not sure what my new position now entails, but I will definitely get to focus more on patient care and I think I will have a more positive outlook about my job. I am looking forward to enjoying life again and having the energy to be more well-rounded. I am looking forward to see what God will do. He never ceases to amaze me.

"'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." [Genesis 16:13]

Peace,
Linell

Missus-sippi, here I come!

Hi all,
So I think most of you have heard by now via Facebook that I got a job! I wanted to write a post to update you, though, to give you guys the full story.

As you know from my previous post back in September, I have been applying to jobs and was turned down by the military. I pretty much just applied everywhere, barely noticing where I was applying except to keep track of how many apps I was putting in. I found that helped me feel productive while I was getting nothing back but rejection emails.

In November, I got a phone call from a hospital in Greenville, Mississippi. At that point, the positive responses I had had were an in-person interview with CHOC and two phone interviews with other out of state hospitals. All of them had said no. This hospital, Delta Regional Medical Center, wanted me to come out for an interview. In the first conversation, the concern was raised that I was not from the rural South, and might come out to start a job and then leave after less than a year. (They have had problems with losing new grads to bigger cities after 3-6 months.) I was hesitant to spend the money to go out there, but I had few options and couldn't be picky.

I planned a trip for the first week of December, and basically hoped for ANYONE else to offer me a job so I wouldn't have to go on my trip. I was so not interested in moving to a small town in Mississippi if I had the choice to be... well, nearly anywhere else. It didn't happen, so I left for my trip, anxious but trying to see all the positives about Greenville.

When I got there, I felt overwhelmingly sad. This is a community that has been hit hard by the recession, with businesses closed on nearly every block and an unemployment rate of 13.5%, significantly higher than national average. That day, I visited apartments and stumbled upon a small nature preserve. I sat there and prayed and processed and it basically hit me, "Maybe this is why I have my public health nursing certification". I still felt sad, but almost instantly passionate about making a difference in this community, and ready to pour into it everything I learned from our community health semester. That night, I talked to Andrew and he was right on the same page with me, ready to go for this adventure if that was what God had for us, seeing it as a mission field.

The next day, I interviewed with the director of Med-Surg, the director of ICU, and the CNO (no pressure!). They all went well and I was amazed at how God gave me such a calm where before had been so much anxiety. I flew home that night and the next day I got a phone call. Not only did they offer me a job, but both departments had given good feedback so they let me choose! I chose the ICU. They have been very understanding about the license transfer process and me getting married, so they are letting me start after the wedding, and didn't even tie me to a specific start date!

So here we are, just over a month from my wedding, and a move across country only 2 days after that. (Literally, we're getting married on Saturday and leaving Monday! Aah!) Andrew is amazingly supportive, just wants me to get this experience even though his job prospects there are limited and grad school options nonexistent. Since we should be able to do fine on my salary alone (Thank the Lord for lower cost of living! Also, Andrew has NO school debt, incredibly.), he is going to be looking for internship or volunteer opportunities related to his field, but really just planning to volunteer wherever there are needs, full-time.

We are getting very excited about this new adventure, and I'm thrilled to finally have a job, and in the ICU at that! I'm glad to be just three hours from Clara and Luis as well as Cory and Joe. I am applying to a federal loan repayment program (link below -- see if your hospital qualifies!) because Delta Regional meets the requirements, so please pray for me to get accepted as I could have 60% of my loans paid for a 2-year commitment! Oh, and I will most definitely have a Southern accent in about 2 days since I started to pick it up while I was there for not even 36 hours!

So that's the long version of what's new in my life. I know that this is where God wants us to be, and have a wonderful peace about it. I hope you all had a great New Year's and are doing well.

Blessings,
Jacy



NELRP, deadline Feb 15, 2012.
http://www.hrsa.gov/loanscholarships/repayment/nursing/howtoapply.html

Hello whirlwind

Wow. Okay, so a lot of changes in the last...week. I'm still whirling.

Basically I've been putting online applications in since July. At first they were all for hospitals in this area, but in more recent weeks I got started applying out of state to new grad positions or other hospitals that looked semi-promising. It's been overall very discouraging....one gets very frustrated putting in application after application and not getting any responses.

Thursday morning I was driving home from visiting Luis on my days off from work....I was stuck in traffic, still in PJ's, hadn't showered in a couple days....and essentially had an interview over the phone without even knowing it. I spoke with the nurse manager on the restorative care unit at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, TN...she asked a few questions, explained the job, the unit, and the process of hiring and integrating new graduates into the unit. By the end of the conversation, she'd unofficially offered me a full time night position on the unit and told me to begin the process of transferring my license to TN and making plans to come out there to see the unit and complete some of the technicalities of getting hired.

Needless to say, the last couple days have been crazy. Getting over the shock...looking up the hospital...figuring out what the license transfer process looked like...then actually beginning that process (paperwork, fees, fingerprinting, requesting transcripts, making phone calls...). Today I scheduled a flight to/from Memphis and will be going out there the 18th-20th. Hopefully during that time I will meet with the nurse manager, nurse recruiter, get fingerprinted, see the unit, complete the pre-job offer pharmacology test, and then get a physical done (assuming that I get offered the job). It should be exciting.

Assuming I get the job....I'll begin working on moving out there. Given that the license transfer process could take up to six weeks, I may be out in Memphis by the end of November. Not sure how all that will play out, but it will be an adventure.

On top of all that has been the added questions of whether Luis will be able to move out there as well....whether he can find a job...how long he and I can handle long-distance if that is required...what the future may look like for us if we can't handle long distance....it's getting really complicated and the lack of support from my family for Luis and me isn't exactly helping with those decisions. Anyway. He and I definitely have a lot of thinking and praying and talking to do just to figure out how to best pursue our relationship in light of these potential circumstance changes.

Regardless, it is pretty exciting. I'm so thrilled to finally have a potential job opportunity after months of searching and it's in a unit that really fits with what I want to do. Maybe it's a bit too intensive for me, but I like the thought of the long-term aspect and the opportunity to provide more psychosocial care for patients who may not get better. I hope that God is able to use me in a powerful way in this unit and at this hospital...the way this door has opened makes me think that it probably is where God wants me.

SR c 1st deg block, 3 bigeminal unifocal PVCs, and ST depression

Hey y'all, John Quan dawg here.

I apologize in advance for my lack of rhetorical eloquence, as I have never posted in a blog before. Anywho, I miss all of you and I am so glad that we have a blog/online forum to keep in touch with each other all at once, in addition to social media. It is really fun to read all of your posts and see the amazing ways that God is working in each of our lives. It is crazy how just 5 months ago we were all together still, getting ready to graduate.

For the first couple of months after graduation, I really missed you all, even school. Don't get me wrong, it was a great relief to finish school, but there was and still is a weird part of me that misses all the classes and group projects. I guess I just got too used to seeing each of you every day and took it for granted.

Anyways, like so many of us did, I started applying for jobs back in May (late, I know). Since then, God has worked in miraculous ways and has taught me so much. I am so thankful for His love, mercy and grace He provides on a daily basis. In total, I applied for 36 different nursing positions at 25 different hospitals/facilities. My dream job was and still is to work in the emergency department. For those of you who I haven't told before, my original aspiration senior year of high school was to become a pediatrician, then a pediatric nurse. However, as I progressed through nursing school, and experienced the pediatric rotation at CHOC and all the other clinical areas, I realized that had a heart for both children and adults. I also really enjoy working at a fast pace; I thrive on organized stress, however paradoxical that may sound, and constant activity.

During the last year of nursing school, I had the opportunity to try out emergency department nursing at St. Joseph Hospital of Orange, by the recommendation of Amanda Gill, who was one year ahead of us. I loved it there! I worked the swing/relief shift from about noon to midnight. It was everything I dreamed it would be and more - constant activity, both adults and pediatric patients, various diagnoses, and I learned a lot. Needless to say, when I started looking for jobs in May, I hoped to find a new grad program in the ED at St. Joseph. However, nothing ever opened up there.

The first set of applications that I did send out was to PIH. I applied to PIH for various reasons, besides the fact that they had a bunch of new grad openings at the time. First of all, I am from PIH, literally. I was born there, delivered by Dr. Purdom, who still works there and delivered some of the babies born during out L&D rotation. Second, we did many of our clinical rotations at PIH, and I was very impressed with the facility and the staff there. Third, my desire was to work in the general Biola/Orange County area, and this was the perfect location.

To make a long story short, I got hired at PIH on 1 Tower (Cardiac Telemetry) and I have been there since July 25th. Let me just say that God has been and continues to be so very faithful and full of grace and mercy! Out of the 36 applications I submitted, my application to 1 Tower at PIH was the very first one that was submitted! Working at PIH is like a dream - I love telling people about how faithful God has been in bringing me full circle from birth till now at the same facility. I am breathing the same air that I was breathing when I was born (figuratively speaking, perhaps literally...)

I love my coworkers and I am learning a lot every day. I recently finished my new grad preceptorship and now I am working independently..I work my 5th shift this Saturday. One thing I have noticed is that are other Biola grads working at PIH, but I think I am the only one on 1 Tower. This has been both good and bad, as it forces me to get to know new people and create new relationships, but it's also nice to see familiar faces once in a while in the halls.

In other news, no girlfriend, fiance, or wife yet :)

I am living in an apartment in La Mirada on the Biola block, on the corner of La Mirada and Imperial with some Biola grads. Maybe I can host one of our future get-togethers/reunions at my apartment. If anyone ever needs a place to crash or wants to stop by and visit, just let me know. On my days off I spend a lot of time in the Biola library just hanging out, or doing errands/shopping. I have recently taken up reading for fun again, which is something I really used to love to do, and now I can start because of the 4 days off every week nursing schedule :) I also play basketball whenever I can, and I just purchased a membership at 24 Hour Fitness so I can get ripped..

I am really looking forward to our next hangout and to hearing from the rest of you. I love you all, and I can't wait to see you soon!

P.S. Some (or all) of us should take a trip to the East Coast and Washington state to visit those of us that have migrated! ;)

an update

Hi all,

I hope this finds you all well. I can't believe how fast time has been flying by -- shouldn't we be in school or something? (I'm really, really glad we're not.) Anyway, the last few months have been some of the busiest, most all-over-the-place times I've had in awhile. Where to begin...

After I took the NCLEX, I started working part time hours again with my caregiving agency, Right At Home, waiting on my results...and waiting...and waiting. Clara and I took our tests the same day, and Clara got her results fairly quickly, about two weeks. After three weeks, I started checking the website every day, and eventually called the BRN. Turns out, they hadn't received my transcript and couldn't tell me my results til they had it. I found out that Biola's registrar had goofed and not sent it, and I ended up finding out I passed six weeks to the day that I took the NCLEX. Talk about learning patience. I felt confident that I had passed (that backdoor Pearson-Vue check worked), but it was so frustrating to wait, especially knowing that it didn't have to take that long since Clara had already passed. I definitely struggled with putting that in God's hands and letting it be in His timing.

Since then, I've been working more, around 30 hours a week. I'm working as a caregiver, still working at the messianic Jewish nursery, and helping my sister's neighbor who's a quadriplegic (gotten lots of practice with his Hoyer lift). In addition to my three paying jobs and occasional babysitting, I'm helping Andrew's grandmother with her showers, volunteering at my church nursery, applying for nursing jobs, and planning my wedding. I think I have too much on my plate. (Still working on the whole saying "no" thing, if you can't tell.)

Currently, I'm fed up with my hours from the caregiving agency and I'm pursuing a short-term (i.e. I can't commit because I might get a nursing job at any point) nanny job to replace it. So more applications. I'm concerned that I'm burning out on the type of work I do, and I want to recognize that and avoid it. We'll see what opens up, but I am very grateful to have a job at all, let alone more than one.

Andrew and I are doing well, though seeing each other is made difficult by our different and changing schedules. We just started a premarital class, which I think will be a great blessing and a good investment. We are excited to get married and see where we end up. Our plan is to move to wherever I can get a job, and I'm hoping that's out of state with California's cost of living so high. Ideally, that will also be an area that has a grad school that offers a paleontology program, as Andrew has decided to pursue his Master's when we're able.

Some of you who saw my Facebook status awhile back may be wondering what's up with me and the Army. I did decide to pursue military nursing, applying to both the Army and the Air Force. Before I even turned in the application (but not before spending a ton of time working on it -- it's 55 pages), I found out I was not eligible because of my fibromyalgia. That was a blow. I felt so strongly it was something I was supposed to pursue, but now I think I was meant to do just that and no more. I was disappointed, the idea of traveling and a guaranteed job sounded great (a huge challenge, too, but an amazing experience). Yet I knew that this was not what God had for me and Andrew, and that was ok. Incredibly, despite my Type A/control freak nature, I have been blessed to be able to give this job search up to God. I know that I can apply everywhere, but unless God opens the door, nothing will happen. I also know that anxiety about it helps nothing. This is, of course, easier said than done, but God has given me a measure of peace about it.

Oh! One more little thing, whose name is Fritz. In June, I took in a kitten, who was about 6 weeks old. Andrew and I named him Fritz because he is *crazy* and we like to say he's "on the fritz". It's fun to play with him and watch him grow (At 8 weeks, he weighed 2.5 lbs. Now 4 months, he weighs 7 lbs!) but the scratch scars on my arms will tell you he's not always nice. I haven't had a pet in about 6 years, so it's fun to have one again, but I will definitely be glad when he stops going nuts in the middle of the night (he sleeps -- or rather, doesn't -- in my room).

I think that about covers it. Thanks for reading this lengthy update, and I hope to see some of you in February!

Blessings,
Jacy

A post.

So, I imagine most of you know... but a quick recap:

I picked up an Alaskan nursing license. I bought a car that died and then had to finance a second one. I enjoyed a couple weddings (IL and CA), said a difficult goodbye to my wonderful housemates, and then moved to Alaska. I live in rural, interior Glennallen, Alaska. I live in my own apartment and I'm learning how to cook a few things (I have only set off the smoke alarm once!). I'm a nurse at a small clinic where I "wear lots of hats"--from immunizations galore, to ER nursing, to dispatching ambulances and calling in helicopters, to assisting providers...in whatever they need assistance with...to coordinating care with village clinics, to arranging appointments and counseling over the phone, to even calling insurance companies and figuring out billing. There is only one nurse on duty at a time, and I start working alone this Sunday! Scary. I will be working both days and nights...about a week of nights every month. I'm still confident that God has me here, but I still wonder at times what might have been if I traveled down a different road and stayed in Los Angeles... I did my first big grocery run since living here this past weekend...something different to have to drive four hours to stock up on hundreds of dollars of groceries. I love Alaska a lot, but miss a lot of things too. Mesmerized by the beauty, miss my friends and familiarity....I miss Chickfila, Target, Trader Joes...even stupid things like traffic, palm trees and sandy beaches. I have traded in my California's driver's license for an Alaskan one. Life has been crazy.

Check out my blog anytime: radkeatcrossroad.blogspot.com

I update it frequently with pics, prayer requests, stories and the like!

Love you guys...and miss your faces...a lot!